Tuesday: In Which the Magic Princess and the Universe Collide

My time at the convent felt like stolen time.  There was much to do at work and at home.  We are not eating rice and beans, but finances are not what they have been and the trip was certainly a luxury.  I felt guilty about taking the time and uncertain as to what I hoped to find there in the quiet.  Direction.  The next step.  I am always wanting to know what comes next.  I rarely am given that privilege, that burden.

The priest who took care of mass for the sisters was quite old and chatty.  I enjoyed his company even though we came from very different backgrounds both socially and philosophically.  And it was he who gave me the most important message of the trip.  Well, his coffee cup anyway.  At breakfast one morning, I found my mind hurriedly going over all the worries of the moment.  Life, love, career, bears, school, all of it all mixed up in a crazy mess.  The priest turned his coffee cup casually and continued talking about some terrible crime somewhere.  I read the words on the cup.  The Universe Knows. 

Yes.  I should remember this.  The Universe Knows.  There is a harmony to it all.  I believe there is purpose.  I do not have to know the next step.  The Universe Knows.

I did not want to go to the hospital today.  Some days it is almost more than I can manage to answer the same questions again, to repeat the problems again, to propose the solutions again.  Treading water.  I sat in the car a long while before heading in.  I reminded myself that I only had to do this day.  Not worry about what happens tomorrow.  Just answer these emails, help those who cross my path, breathe love, breathe grace.  Oh Universe?  Any encouragement today would be more than welcome.

Part way through the afternoon I stopped at a counter to write a note.  I stop there almost every day.  I’ve walked past that particular spot more than a thousand times.  Today I looked up and read something I’d never read before.  And even though it may be trite.  Even though it may be over used.  Even though it may not be meant for me.  Today it was.

Beyond a wholesome discipline, be gentle with yourself. You are a child of the universe, no less than the trees and the stars; you have a right to be here. And whether or not it is clear to you, no doubt the universe is unfolding as it should.  – from Desiderata by Max Ehrmann